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Book Review: Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #2

Horny Zombies Crave Tacos 2

Author: Kacey Zen
Genre: Erotica / Horror
Published: 2015

So a little while ago this popped up in my Twitter notifications:

Kacey Zen Tweet

I felt bad, especially considering that I had been a little harsh in my review (I may or may not have implied that Ms Zen’s brain was riddled with tapeworm). I’m man enough to admit when I’ve made a mistake, and I thought that perhaps I had been too rash in my assessment of Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #1. Maybe I’d had a rough day, maybe I wasn’t in the right head space, there are a myriad reasons you can misjudge a literary work.

With all that in mind I decided that the only fair way to judge whether I was wrong about Kacey Zen was to read Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #2: Rug Munchers VS. Dick Heads, and I’m happy to report that it all turned out just as I had suspected: I’m never wrong.

The Plot

Kacey Zen’s trying to get all literary up in this gig, let me tell you.

Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #2 tells the story of two women, Vanessa and Rita, and how they came to find themselves as members of the Rug Munchers, an all-lesbian survival gang trying to make it in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland.

Vanessa was a young girl from a good home in a small town who moved to the big city with a simple dream: to become a porn star and ride the biggest fucking dicks you’ve ever seen from dawn until dusk. Fate cut this dream short when, just as she was about to do her first scene, her coworker overdosed on cocaine and became a zombie, forcing the military to evacuate her from her room.

Rita’s story is a bit darker. Some good old-fashioned parenting has left her crippled by her mother’s anxiety when it comes to “real” men, and she has gone through life dating androgynous guys and butch girls. But there’s a void deep within her begging to be filled. Cue donkey-dicked Frank, an Adonis Rita met when he was taking a shower in the parking lot behind her vegan café. Frank technically raped Rita in the café but she liked it and managed to record it, and she uses that recording to blackmail him into fucking her in every orifice whenever she wants, sometimes as many as twenty times a day.

An untold number of years later Frank’s dead and Vanessa and Rita are now members of the Rug Munchers, but Rita wants revenge. Revenge on Vanessa for fucking Frank, and revenge on her girlfriend Betty for killing him right before she herself was going to stab him with a butcher’s knife. But this revenge plot gets complicated when the Rug Munchers come up against the Dick Heads, a group of men on the prowl for women to fuck and then eat, and our lovely ladies in flannel will need to think on their backs if they’re gonna make it out of this alive.

The Writing Style

This was the issue with my review of the first pamphlet in (what some might loosely call) this series, so let’s start off with the good before we get into the bad.

Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #2 is just over twice the length of its predecessor, coming in at a whopping 42 pages. With all these extra pages Ms Zen has managed to get her pronouns right and flesh out her characters a bit more, so instead of the rather two-dimensional Ava from the first pamphlet you now have wholly unlikable characters like Vanessa and Rita.

What these extra pages have not fixed is the fact that Ms Zen struggles to put together a coherent sentence. God knows that before I publish a review I need to take out at least a dozen commas that shouldn’t be there (and maybe pop one or two in where I wasn’t paying attention), but at least I take the time to do it. I can also be accused of using the same word repetitively because, at that time, I was quite fond of it, but during the proof reading stage I will change it up a bit and even consult a thesaurus if need be. My point here, Ms Zen, is that there are other ways to refer to a woman’s vagina than constantly repeating the word “pussy” ad nauseam, with nothing to differentiate these various pussies other than their degree of wetness.

Also, and this is some free advice, when more than two people are engaged in dialogue (and even if it’s just two people for an extended period of time) YOU NEED TO INDICATE TO THE READER WHO IT IS THAT’S SPEAKING! For fuck’s sake…

The Feelings

Sweet Zombie Jesus, where do I even begin?

You know what, I’m not even going to focus on the all the things that can be considered wrong with having zombies with what may well be 34 inch penises double penetrating a woman, you can let your imagination run wild with you on that front. Equally, if your mother didn’t teach you that it’s wrong to keep women captive while flooding their systems with heroin and raping them repeatedly then I don’t imagine that there’s much that I can say to set you right.

What I am going to focus on is just how every idea in this soiled one-ply piece of toilet tissue is just so wrong. You want toxic ideas of what constitutes a “real” man? It’s all here! Want to see how a woman being a crazy, possessive stalker is really just how women show that they care? You better believe that’s in here! Fancy seeing the notion that lesbians aren’t cheating on one another if one of them sleeps with a man? I’m not sure if it was intentional, but it’s here! Forgotten that all a lesbian really wants out of life is a really big dick to fuck her endlessly? Let this pamphlet remind you of what may have slipped your mind!

While the first pamphlet really did nothing for me, this one made me angry. I lifted my head up to the heavens many times in the 20 minutes it took me to read this, praying that some higher power would give me answers, but none were forthcoming. Lacking divine guidance I’m not sure whether I should direct my anger at Ms Zen for perpetuating the ideas sprinkled so liberally throughout this pamphlet, or at the audience who will find nothing amiss about it.

My Final Rating: 1 / 10
Buy Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #2 at Amazon.com

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4 Comments

Posted by on July 17, 2016 in Book Review

 

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Book Review: Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #1

51oOKENL9EL._SX311_BO1,204,203,200_Author: Kacey Zen
Genre: Erotica / Horror
Published: 2015

Zombies are fascinating creatures. Usually risen from the grave by supernatural or viral means, they are terrifying things driven by base needs that laugh in the face of natural order. There’s certainly a lot of scope for thinking about modern society’s obsession with zombies and what it says about our view of the world’s current state, but Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #1 is not the best jumping off point for such deliberations.

I’m genuinely not sure why Amazon sent this pamphlet to me as a recommendation, but it was free and for some reason I thought there were going to be real tacos involved. That was perhaps a bit naïve on my part. Especially if you consider that Kacey Zen’s Amazon page contains the warning “CAUTION: Kacey Zen’s books have caused people to spontaneously cum! ;)” The last time I checked spontaneous orgasms were a medical condition, but my morbid curiosity was peaked and I blindly stepped off into a world of the lusty undead with an unfulfilled curiosity as to how Mexican food would fit into the greater plot.

The Plot

In a world where the question mark has been struck from the English language and everyone speaks in statements, zombies have become the dominant life (unlife?) force on Earth. Ava and her boyfriend Brian are just trying to get by in this world gone wrong where, for reasons unknown, only men are being bitten and turned into the dawdling dead. Faced with an uncertain future Ava and Brian do the only reasonable thing two people desperate to survive can do: he ties her up in a tent and bangs her in a most un-Christian manner.

Their companion Luke hears this and decides that he needs to take action. In my head Luke’s your typical 40-something guy who worked the midnight shift at a McDonald’s knockoff and then joined a sex gang when the world went to shit. He kills Brian mid-thrust and decides to use Ava as his sex toy. Losing the love of her life mid-coitus makes Ava so wet the Egyptians would have worshipped her for restoring the Nile’s flood, and the prospect of Luke using a donkey dick-shaped tree branch to screw her really gets her motor running.

But then poor Luke gets eaten by zombies. But this zombie virus is different to the ones most of us are familiar with: it does turn humans into lumbering rotting corpses, but in doing so it appears to divert all available life force to the penis, making it larger and more rigid than could ever be achieved in life. The thought of these exanimated penises doing unmentionable things to her gets Ava even more wet, to the extent that Noah would think God was calling on him a second time.

Will Ava survive an undead ravishing, or will that mysterious tribe of militant lesbians arrive in time to save her from her own carnal desires? Also, can you have carnal desires when the flesh is rotting?

The Writing Style

You know, a lot of people would criticise the likes of Kacey Zen for attempting to be an author, but not me. In fact I think it’s rather valiant of people like her whose brains are clearly infested with tapeworm to fight the good fight and attempt to forge a career for themselves in a literary world largely dominated by writers with functional minds.

Before judging her writing style you must also remember that she only had 18 pages to work with, so she was probably quite right in jettisoning punctuation. This also helps to build tension, as the run-on sentences clearly express the shock and arousal the characters are feeling in their terrified/titillated state.

Her inconsistent application of gendered pronouns to her characters also speaks volumes about her place in the radical feminist movement, and why she isn’t the focus of more scholarly feminist debate is beyond me.

The Feelings

Mild despondency.

You know, when your ‘book’ is about rotting corpses, whose sperm goes the same way as yoghurt left out in the sun, double penetrating a woman aroused by thick tree branches and yet none of it is shocking or assaulting to the reader’s senses, then something isn’t right.

Maybe I’ve been desensitised by the space raptors and the penis tornadoes, but nothing during the course of Ava’s 18 page romp through depravity was either shocking or arousing. I’m fairly certain that I don’t class as Ms Zen’s target audience, but even for those who do get off on this sort of thing I’m sure you can find something far better.

My Final Rating: 1 / 10
Buy Horny Zombies Crave Tacos #1 on Amazon.com

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 22, 2015 in Book Review

 

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