Author: Kinsey Grey
A word to the wise: just because you feel a slight twinge of boredom, don’t ask Tropical Mary to do her worst and pick out something for you to read – it’s a really bad idea. Since we’ve been friends for years and she knows me better than most, and because she often chooses to use that power for evil, she knows exactly the kinds of things that I don’t like, particularly when taken in combination. So here we are, at the rather putrescent outcome of my lapse in judgement: Drilled by the Doctor. Not that much drilling went on (Dilated by the Doctor would’ve been a more apt title), but anyway…
Holly Smith has been a bad, bad army recruit apparently. Details aren’t important, because you aren’t going to get any, but it would seem that she mouthed off to her fellow squad mates and now faces a dishonorable discharge. Dr Straker, the camp’s doctor and drill sergeant for this rag-tag group of horny individuals, offers Holly a choice: take the dishonorable discharge, or submit to a punishment deemed suitable for her transgressions by the rest of the squad. Since Holly will do anything, just anything (insert sharp intake of breath and violent breast thrusting here) to stay in the army, she takes the punishment behind door number 2.
In a plot twist that wouldn’t surprise an amoeba, Holly’s punishment is to submit to the complete sexual depravity of her squad (but mainly to Dr Straker). Holly’s more narcissistic that Narcissus himself, but she has one deep, dark secret: she’s a virgin. This becomes quite apparent to Dr Straker when he uses a speculum to open her up and take a look inside (so deep, in fact, that he needs a torch to see all that there is to see).
What follows is a rather strange combination of a watered down medical fetish, a half-realised attempt at a humiliation fetish, a de-virginising fantasy involving the sluttiest virgin ever, a penis that’s so big even Japanese anime characters wouldn’t have enough blood to power it, and a bukkake-not-bukkake finish.
The Writing Style
Let’s start with the basics. To its minor credit Drilled by the Doctor doesn’t contain any glaringly obvious spelling or grammatical mistakes, and I suppose you have to be grateful for small mercies. What it has in their place, however, are these short stubby sentences that really could’ve been banged together, as well as a general tendency to completely misplace emphasis. For example:
“Sure, it was a monumental bad choice. Like you could stick it right next to the Washington monument and it’d be right at home.”
I’m assuming that, in this instance, it’s the monumentality of the Washington monument that’s important here, and not the unintended statement (which I’m sure would border on heresy over in the States) that the Washington monument itself was a bad decision. It doesn’t ruin the story (because it’s such a classic), but it does take a minute to figure out what dear Kinsey Grey was trying to say sometimes.
And then there’s the half-baked idioms, metaphors and sayings that abound, my personal favourite being:
“…who didn’t know their assholes from a hole in the wall.”
What, Kinsey Grey? Is “asses from their elbows” just not good enough for you? I tell you what: when you understand that a woman doesn’t have a button you can push and an orgasm just pops out, I’ll allow you a little liberty with the English language. But today is not that day, and I’m not having any of it.
Righteous indignation and mild nausea.
I’ve said this many times before on this blog: it’s not for me to judge the kinks of others just because it doesn’t do anything for me. I’m not judging this book based off the fact that I wouldn’t want a speculum anywhere near me during a moment of intimacy. Even if I had a vagina I doubt that I would feel any differently about the matter. From the sex itself to the psychology that’s meant to underpin it, my issue is that Drilled by the Doctor doesn’t get anything right.
Let’s start with the nuts and bolts of it all: the sex. There’s no shame in not knowing how something works, provided that you take the time to slowly educate yourself. I don’t know how Kinsey Grey imagines sex happening, but I’m fairly sure that the clitoris doesn’t act as an orgasm dispenser, and simply pushing down on it repeatedly does not result in 30 back-to-back orgasms. Even if it did work like that, I think the poor woman would die.
Not that the depiction of the men is much better. Dr Staker’s penis is so large and girthy, in fact, that it stretches her “wider than the speculum”. That is not normal. It is equally unnatural for a man’s penis to be so heavy that it causes his biceps to bulge when he lifts it. As an addendum to this, sperm should not have the consistency of brine – if yours does I encourage you to seek medical attention. And I’ll give you this tip for free: no matter what the position, gentlemen, your asshole should not be brushing against her eyebrows – that’s just bad manners.
And then we get to the psychology of it. I can understand a humiliation fetish and a medical fetish; however, simply saying “not like this” and “how humiliating” over and over again does not make this a humiliating scenario. Equally, tying someone up to bed posts using stethoscopes (which seems entirely impractical) does not make for a good medical porno. Half a dozen busty nurses and two suave Latin doctors who don’t speak English might, but this certainly won’t.
All in all this strikes me as a literary version of a cheap porno in that Holly has the mentality and sexual understanding of a 15-year-old boy whose hormones are running rampant, and I would be really surprised to find out that this wasn’t written by a man who thinks he knows what gets women off. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.