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Game Review: Yoshi’s New Island

Release Date: 14 March 2014
Platform: Nintendo 3DS

I like to consider myself an extravagant cheapskate: I won’t spend a lot of money on one thing, but I’ll happily spend triple the value of the one thing buying several other things. Given that I loved the original Yoshi’s Island so much I was torn between which of its sequels to play: the one on the Nintendo DS that I’d have to play on the Wii U’s Virtual Console, or the one on 3DS that got the very middling reviews. Nintendo solved that problem for me by adding this to the Nintendo Selects range, and my cheap self was delighted to order a copy.

I’m so grateful that I bought this once it was added to Nintendo’s discount range rather than buying it full price earlier on; while charming to a certain degree, Yoshi’s New Island isn’t deserving of a full retail price tag.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die.

I’m blue da ba dee da ba die.

The Plot

In what will become a recurring theme for this game, the plot is only slightly different to that of the first game.

This game picks up right where the original Yoshi’s Island left off with the stork flying off to the Mushroom Kingdom to deliver baby Mario and Luigi to their parents. The stork was obviously suffering a concussion because he’s managed to deliver the babies to the wrong couple, and now needs to set off with the babies again to deliver them to the right people. As he takes off, however, he’s attacked by Kamek, Bowser’s magical babysitter, who once again tries to kidnap the babies.

Kamek manages to steal Luigi but Mario slips free and falls down to Egg Island, a floating island also inhabited by Yoshis and currently under the control of baby Bowser. Using his psychic link to Luigi and with the aid of the Yoshi clan Mario and the Yoshis once again set off on a mission to recover his stolen green sibling.

I will give the game credit for having Shy Guys that do little booty shakes.

I will give the game credit for having Shy Guys that do little booty shakes.

The Gameplay

Again, not much has changed from the first game, with the mechanics of Yoshi’s Island being taken over almost wholesale into this 3DS adventure: throw eggs, transform and make sure the enemy doesn’t make off with Mario.

The only real additions are the giant eggs, underwater stages and flutter wings. The giant eggs aren’t so much new as they are a variation on Yoshi’s traditional egg throwing – by ingesting a giant Shy Guy or Metal Shy Guy you’ll create either Mega Eggdozers or Metal Eggdozers, which can be used to clear paths and destroy obstacles. While interesting, these can only be created at specific points so there isn’t any real strategy involved when they become available.

The underwater levels aren’t particularly different to land based ones, mainly because you’ll use a Metal Eggdozer to weigh you down. Since Yoshi floats the Eggdozer will allow you to walk normally on the ground underwater, and usually you just have to find the right spot to get rid of the egg and float back up to the top. Again, while interesting, it’s nothing that’s overly inventive.

The flutter wings aren’t so much a new kind of gameplay, but rather than a useful helper – should you die more than three times in a level the option to use the flutter wings will become available, allowing you to softly drift over most obstacles rather than engaging in the more tricky platforming. None of the stages in the game are so challenging that you need them, but I did occasionally make use of them just because I couldn’t be asked to go through a particular section again.

What an angry child Bowser was...

What an angry child Bowser was…

The Feelings

Underwhelmed.

At its core Yoshi’s New Island isn’t a bad game and is a more-than-competent platformer. The problem is that it plays almost exactly like Yoshi’s Island without any of that game’s magic or charm. While all the stages, the art style, and the music are also all lovely there isn’t enough variation throughout the game, and what starts off as delightful becomes very repetitive by the time you reach the end of the game.

Yoshi’s New Island doesn’t deliver enough to be worth purchasing at full price, but if you want a decent platformer that’s enjoyable enough but ultimately forgettable once you’ve played it once, then the Selects version might be worth a go.

My Final Rating: 6 / 10
Buy Yoshi’s New Island at Amazon.com

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Posted by on April 1, 2016 in Game Review

 

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Game Review: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D

OoT

Release Date: 17 June 2011
Platform: Nintendo 3DS

As I throw myself further and further down the rabbit hole that is the mythos and story of the Legend of Zelda franchise, I felt that it was time that I played the game that so much of the franchise’s story hinges on. Ocarina of Time is revered by Zelda die hards and, in many quarters, holds the distinguished title of the best video game ever made.

With all that in mind and a new New Nintendo 3DS in hand I decided that now was as good a time as any to see what all the fuss was about. The Gods above help me if any of the aforementioned die hards read this review, but I can’t sit here and claim that this is the best video game ever made, because it’s not. It’s a good game, and the 3DS remake has done wonders to rejuvenate its aging Nintendo 64 counterpart, but it has been far surpassed in the years since it came out.

The fuck is this?

The fuck is this?

The Plot

We begin yet another jaunt through Hyrule in the very pleasant Kokiri Village, where the Great Deku tree has sent a fairy called Navi to call upon a young boy named Link. The Deku Tree has been cursed by Ganondorf, and Link must do his best to lift the curse. Successful in this endeavour but too late to actually save the tree, Link is instructed to find Princess Zelda with Navi’s help.

After some serious breaking and entering into castle grounds Link meets Zelda; she believes that Ganondorf, who is currently meeting with the King of Hyrule to pledge his allegiance, is actually after the Triforce and the attainment of god-like power. She asks Link to find the Spiritual Stones which will give him access to the Spiritual Realm where the Triforce is kept.

Spiritual Stones duly collected and an ocarina fished out of a moat, Link proceeds to the Temple of Time to activate the stones. Unfortunately as he opens the door to the Sacred Realm Ganondorf appears and takes the Triforce of Power for himself, and Link awakens seven years later to a very different world.

To defeat Ganondorf Link must wield the Master Sword, but was too young to do so when he first opened to door to the Sacred Realm. For seven years his spirit remained dormant in the Sacred Realm until he was able to take the sword and defeat Ganondorf, but he will need the help of the Seven Sages. The Sages can use their combined power to seal Ganondorf away, but unfortunately five of them do not realise that they are Sages. Link must travel back and forth through time and scour the five temples under Ganondorf’s control to free the Sages that are held captive and awaken their power if Hyrule is ever to know peace again.

The fuck is that?

The fuck is that?

The Gameplay

With the exception of when I accidentally through the 3DS across the room trying to attack something (I forgot I wasn’t playing Twilight Princess anymore, which required flicking the Wiimote to attack) the controls for this game work a treat. Different buttons perform different actions depending on the item assigned to them, with the inventory of items appearing on the lower touch screen along with maps of either Hyrule or the dungeon you happen to find yourself in. Everything else is very intuitive.

I’ve never actually played the N64 original, but I have seen plenty of videos. At the risk of being burned as a heretic the original is starting to look damn ugly – polygon graphics are only well-remembered in games for which there is nostalgia. That being said, this remaster has largely done wonders for the graphics. There is the odd exception (that particularly butch Impa being an example) where they could have put in a bit more work making things a bit less blocky and pointy, but given that this was a launch title for the 3DS I’m not going to complain too much.

Where the game starts to show its age, however, is the overworld. Hyrule Field, which acts as a central hub, is nice and big and all that, but I get the feeling it was included more as a means of showcasing the environments the N64 could pull off than for actually adding any great value to the game. The problem is that, with the exception of a few side quests, there’s really nothing to do in this huge field other than run across it to get to the place you actually need to be. It’s all fun and lovely the first time, but after the 12th time you have to run to Kakariko Village it starts to get a bit mundane.

A nice addition to this version for the uninitiated is the Sheikah Stone, which will play short videos that give you hints and clues as to what you need to do next if you get lost. I do feel that Nintendo could’ve toned Navi down a little (to borrow from the game’s Honest Trailer, she’s the sidekick equivalent of the Microsoft Paperclip), but hey ho I guess you can’t have everything.

The fuck are you?

The fuck are you?

The Feelings

Mildly let down.

I think the main issue is that I went into this game expecting far too much based on the hype that surrounds it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I can believe that when this game came out it must’ve been mind-blowing: the 3D “open” world, the graphics, the story and the admittedly very good dungeons combined would have made for an unparalleled gaming experience at the time.

Unfortunately for me, it’s the ‘at the time’ that’s a problem. I have no nostalgia attached to this game, and because of that it’s age becomes more apparent. Ocarina of Time is a product of its time when you couldn’t just hop onto the internet for a walkthrough or gaming tips; instead you relied on talking to your friends and seeing what they’d discovered and exchanging hints and tips. This mentality is very apparent because some of the little side quests have nothing to indicate that they’re there and actually coming across them without the help of a walkthrough would be down entirely to chance.

This isn’t to say that this is a bad game, because it certainly isn’t. It’s just that (1) other games in the franchise have so successfully built on what it established and (2) games have come a long way since Ocarina of Time first came out that I don’t think it quite deserves to overshadow everything else the way it does in some people’s minds.

My Final Rating: 7 / 10
Buy The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D at Amazon.com

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2015 in Game Review

 

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Game Review: Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3

Wario Land_Cover

Original Release: May 13, 1994
Original Platform: Game Boy
Virtual Console Release: February 16, 2012
Price: £3.60

I must confess going into this review that this game holds a very special place in my heart. Back when I was but a wee lad who had successfully whined enough at his mother to buy him the original Game Boy (what a glorious brick of a machine it was), this was the first game I got for it.

Whilst I imagine virtually everyone who has ever played a video game has, at some point, played something starring Mario in his constant attempts to prevent Princess Peach from being kidnapped, playing as Wario is a decidedly different kettle of fish. As a kid I remember actually feeling quite naughty playing this game, as virtuous attempts to save the damsel in distress are chucked out the window in favour of pure, unadulterated greed. It appeals to me even more now as an adult as I would gladly run around an island beating up anthropomorphic ducks if it meant earning a fortune and buying my own castle. Couple that with the fact that this game, in my opinion, started one of the best platforming franchises in gaming and you have a winner on your hands!

Wario Land_LoadThe Plot

Poor Wario. After a valiant struggle against Mario at the end of Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins (itself a very good game, and the reason for the ‘Super Mario Land’ title tacked on at the end of this game) Wario was ejected from the castle he stole from his nemesis and now has nowhere to live.

Like any good bad guy, however, you just can’t keep his rotund figure down for long, and Wario has an ingenious plan to get back at Mario: BUY AN EVEN BIGGER CASTLE! But he’s not going to earn the funds to do that by getting a regular 9 to 5 and resorting to efficient financial planning, oh no. Instead, Wario decides to steal an enormous statue of Princess Peach from Captain Syrup and the Brown Sugar Pirates, currently residing on Kitchen Island. Along the way he will also beat up anything he comes into contact with and steal any treasure that happens to be left lying around the island (now that, my friends, is an example of poor financial planning). Not being the most friendly chap out there he doesn’t have any friends to call on for help, but he does make the most out of some smashing hats, and that’ll get him quite far in his adventure.

Wario Land_Little Wario

The Gameplay

Wario Land has its roots in the Game Boy Mario games, as well as the larger body of Mario games on the systems of the time, and takes its cues from them, so none of the initial controls should be very difficult to master. Kitchen Island acts as the overworld which is then divided into seven worlds with multiple stages each. Each world comes with its obligatory boss who needs to be defeated before you can move on to the next world. Before that you will need to collect at least 10 coins in most of the stages in order to progress to the next one (you gotta spend money to make money, after all). It is vitally important to collect as much loot as you can in each stage, however, as the end of each stage presents you with mini games that you can play to increase your total coin stash. The more cash you have amassed at the end of the game will ultimately decide what kind of new lodging Wario gets to buy himself – after several play throughs I’ve never managed to get him anything bigger than a habitable tree trunk, but here’s hoping you can do better by him that I could.

So far as controlling Wario goes it’s all fairly simple. He walks, creeps, crawls and jumps like Mario does. The primary difference is that, unlike Mario, Wario jumping on a foe won’t kill them, but rather stun them. Most enemies can be stunned and then picked up and thrown and other enemies, making for a decidedly more brutish romp through the Mushroom Kingdom than Mario could ever hope to give you. The only flaw in Wario’s design is that he doesn’t so much jump as he floats. No man as corpulent as he is should be allowed to defy the laws of gravity in such a wanton manner. It’s by no means game breaking, and once you have gotten used to it it’s easy enough to judge where he’s going to land, but in a game that is otherwise masterfully crafted it does stand out like a bit of a sore thumb.

While Mario has his array of mushrooms, flowers, and feathers to aid him in his transformations, Wario has his aforementioned collection of stylish hats. These different hats, donned by finding different pots hidden throughout the game’s stages, allow for 3 different transformations: Bull Wario (who can shoulder charge and take out objects and enemies with greater ease), Dragon Wario (who can spit fire out of the hat’s nostrils) and Jet Wario (who can fly for short distances – although it should be noted that the author of this review in no way endorses flight that would put your neck under that much strain). Being hit by an enemy will transform him into Mini Wario, who isn’t nearly as useless as Mini Mario, and can trot into otherwise hard to reach places.

Wario Land_Jet Hat

The Feelings

How this game makes you feel ultimately depends on how dude-broish you are in your day-to-day gaming jaunts. If, like myself, there isn’t a strand of it in you you’ll probably revel in getting to be the would-be villain out for nothing but self-gain and fabulous-hat-wearing. If you like to smash beer cans against your head and chest bump because you managed to get through a stage, then you’re going to find this a bit trickier, but only because it’s difficult to hold a handheld gaming device AND smash a can against your head at the same time. Go for chest bumping, it’ll be easier.

Whatever your preference, this is a finely crafted game that goes above and beyond what you would expect from both a platformer and a Game Boy game. If you have some spare change floating around in your pocket I strongly suggest downloading this little guy and giving him a go. You haven’t lived until you’ve proudly walked through an enemy-infested beach billowing fire from your head.

My Final Rating: 8 / 10

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Posted by on April 7, 2014 in Game Review

 

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Game Review: Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D

DKCR3D_BoxRelease Date: May 24, 2013
Platform: Nintendo 3DS

Do you remember, back in the day, when you played the same video game for months but never saw the end of it because you just kept dying? It didn’t matter how good you were – one misplaced jump or a forgotten incoming enemy were all it took to bring hours of progress to a screeching halt. Well, Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D is a lot like that, albeit with a shinier overlay.

I had mulled over getting this game for quite a while but I had heard rumours of its difficulty. I’ll admit it – I don’t often like tremendously difficult games. At least, not games that are cheap in the way they like to send you to your death. Nevertheless, whilst I was browsing the internet pretending to work I came across a flash sale for the downloadable version of the game. Believing that Fate was bringing together my love of impulse purchases with my love of being cheap, I decided that now was the time to take the plunge and buy the game. What followed was a month of on-again, off-again gaming where I wasn’t entirely sure if my 3DS would survive the night or be thrown against the wall in a fit of rage.

 

DKCR3D_Title

The Plot

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy being the king of a jungle. That is certainly the truth when it comes to Donkey Kong. Ruler of Donkey Kong Island, the brave ape must be ever-vigilant or else risk having his goods plundered and his riches sundered.

But one cannot be vigilant when it comes to a volcanic eruption releasing a horde of malevolent, hypnotic-music playing Tiki monsters. Only Donkey Kong and his family are immune to their devilish tunes and, with all his other minions turned against him, it’s up to Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong to traverse the island and regain the family’s stolen stock of bananas from the Tiki Tak Tribe. It may sound like some bizarre dream from the depths of a drug user’s idled imagination, but it is the scenario you find yourself faced with.

DKCR3D_Tiki

Meet the Tikis! The rhythm got these guys hard and they’re spreading it all around.

The Gameplay

The first thing to bear in mind with this game is that it’s a port – the original version was released on the Wii back in 2011. Many ports, when done incorrectly, turn out looking like an amateur drag queen in the daylight in comparison to the original. Thankfully, this is not the case here. The game both looks and controls beautifully, and I imagine the 3DS’s more traditional control scheme is perhaps better suited to the title than the Wii’s combination of Wiimote, nunchuk and motion controls.

Right out the gate, however, you are going to have to get used to the fact that Donkey Kong is a heavy character. He is a giant ape, after all, and he’s been programmed to feel like one – he doesn’t jump as far or as high as you think he will, and he comes back down very quickly. It’s all a very nice touch by the game’s programmers, but it does take a bit of getting used to.

When you start the game you must select one of two different modes to play – the original mode, which only gives you two hearts, or a new easier mode which gives you three. I will confess that I chose the easier of the two and went with three hearts, and even then this game was hell on Earth, so I will happily take my hat off to anyone who manages to beat the game on the original mode. Thankfully Diddy Kong is on hand to help you out. In addition to adding extra life (2 or 3 additional hits, depending on the mode you are playing), he also comes armed with a jet-pack that will allow you to hover for a short period of time. Given the number of intricate jumps that need to be made throughout the course of the game, I cannot emphasise just how handy this little guy can be.

The levels throughout the game are devious masterpieces. It all starts off innocently enough – you have to go around quite simple stages finding the Kong family’s pilfered bananas, banana coins, Kong letters, and puzzle pieces. The scariest thing you’re likely to encounter during these early jaunts are angry parrots, and for a while you’ll foolishly think that you are a gaming wizard, breezing through a game that I’m fairly convinced could rip entire families asunder because of the rage it can induce in its players. This sense of elation will quickly pass, and you will come to realise just how foul your hubris was.

Before you know what hit you you’re suddenly confronted by all manner of horrible creatures (a lot of whom appear to be on fire), death pits where you least expected them, and jumps that make your heart stop. And that’s only when you’re on solid ground. The game also likes to take you screeching along rusty tracks in mine carts and have you flying around in a barrel that just happens to come equipped with a rocket on the back. Either way, the very Earth and the elements will become your enemy and the cart and barrel only take one hit to destroy, so expect to see the same 10 seconds of a level a lot before you get it right. Occasionally a little pig appears, manning what looks like an abandoned lemonade stand – these act as check points, but that little bastard doesn’t appear nearly as much as you would like him to.

Thankfully there are a few things that can help you out along the way. Cranky Kong, Donkey Kong’s grandfather, is more than happy to help his grandson out, provided you have some cold hard cash to exchange. In Cranky’s little shop you can buy all the extra lives you need (trust me, you’ll need lots of them), extra Diddy Kong barrels (always useful for the boss fights), extra hearts, little trinkets that make it so your cart or barrel doesn’t explode on contact (so useful), and Squawks the parrot, who will help you find all the little goodies that are hidden throughout the levels. These things make the game a whole lot more tolerable, and allow you to finish the level that you’ve died on at least 30 times without completely diminishing your sense of satisfaction.

I'm riding a rhino through darkness and lava. What could possibly go wrong?

I’m riding a rhino through darkness and lava. What could possibly go wrong?

The Feelings

Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D will bring about in you an absolute plethora of emotions. Not only will you feel rage and anger, but also fury, ire, indignation, outrage, hatred, resentment, petulance, vexation, acrimony, rancor, odium, and any other number of synonyms that express the vast chasm of irritable emotions. These will be compounded by the fact that this is a brilliant game – you aren’t dying because the game is cheap, you’re dying because you aren’t good enough. But all of this will lead to a great sense of accomplishment and a decidedly regal disposition when you have eventually finished the game and know that the Tikis were no match for you.

If you do decide to play the game, just remind yourself, as I often did, that a 3DS is an expensive piece of equipment, and it should not be thrown against the wall (or out a window, or flushed down the toilet etc.) just because you couldn’t get two monkeys riding a rhino over a lava pit. Remember these wise words and everything will be fine.

No. No. No. NO!!!

No. No. No. NO!!!

My Final Rating: 8 / 10
Buy Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D at Amazon.com

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Posted by on March 14, 2014 in Game Review

 

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Game Review: Kirby’s Dream Land

KDL_BoxartOriginal Release: August 2, 1993
Original Platform: Game Boy
Virtual Console Release: June 30, 2011
Price: £3.60

For all I can be a bit strange at times and I enjoy a movie with a good disembowelling as much as the next person, I also pride myself on having a thriving inner child. This side of me is particularly apparent in the games I enjoy playing. I’ve played the likes of Resident Evil and ZombiU and nearly crapped myself, and the joint analogue stick controls on FPSes just confuse me. So, when it comes to video games, I prefer to keep it cute and colourful. Like, ‘my-corneas-are-burning-it’s-so-bright’ colourful. For reasons I don’t truly understand I also derive immense amounts of joy from playing really old games on really new hardware, and the good people over at Nintendo have made a lot more money out of me from their back catalogue than they have off of anything new they’ve released.

This brings us to Kirby’s Dream Land, or, as I like to think of it, the childhood I never got to experience. I owned a Game Boy back in the day, but at the tender young age of 7 I wasn’t really earning enough in terms of a salary to be rolling around in glorious grey cartridges. Also, I was decidedly less strange as a child, and I don’t think this game’s cuteness would have appealed to me back then.

The Plot

Whilst I didn’t get to play this game as a child, it does keep to the same premise of so many of the games that I did enjoy from the 8-bit era: you don’t need a hell of a story just to run from one end of the screen to the other while avoiding enemies.

Loosely, the game takes place in Dream Land, which is Kirby’s home. All of the food in Dream Land has been stolen by King Dedede (who, in later games, is one of Kirby’s nemeses/best friends) and is being kept in his castle. It’s up to Kirby to venture through Dream Land, beat the crap out of all who oppose him (but in an adorable way since Kirby is, technically, a child) and get the food back. The story doesn’t actually affect the gameplay in any meaningful way, but it does add to the overall charm of the experience.

KDL_Title

The Gameplay

The game itself, and this is true for most of the games in this franchise, is incredibly easy, even in comparison to other platformers of its time. This series of games is intended to be an introduction to games and is primarily aimed at children. Whilst I can imagine that watching a hypothetical future child of my own playing this would be overwhelmingly endearing, I believe the only way to truly experience it is to be in your 20s and shout vile obscenities when an exploding coconut (which you never see in time) lands on dear Kirby’s head. Many a night I have laid in bed, cursing these coconuts and vowing my revenge when I save Dream Land.

But I digress. In addition to being quite simple, Kirby’s introductory outing is also quite short – split over 5 levels divided up into a number of smaller areas, you can play through the entire game in a one hour sitting. The goal is simple: Kirby starts at one end of the stage and, by defeating or avoiding various enemies and keeping an eye out on the terrain, you need to make it to the other end of the stage. Each level has a mid-way boss who is quite simple to defeat, and at the end of the level will be the final boss who can also be defeated with relative ease. The only boss who will provide any real difficulty is King Dedede himself, who has a tremendously annoying habit of inhaling you and then spitting you out across the room.

So far as your enemies go, they’re all rather innocuous (except the birds – those things will fly out of nowhere and take you down. They have also brought my vengeance upon themselves) and, provided you know what each enemy type can do, it’s easy enough to dispatch whatever you come across by inhaling them. Failing all else Kirby can fly over most obstacles, so there isn’t really an awful lot that can hinder your progress.

Then there’s the music. I imagine if children’s dreams had a soundtrack, it would sound a lot like what you’ll find in this game. You know that music you just listen to and you can’t help but smile because you feel your soul is being hugged by a baby unicorn? It’s like that. And don’t get me started on the little tune that plays when Kirby beats a main boss and does a little dance. I honestly don’t think there’s a happier sound in the world, and thankfully it has been retained in most of the franchise’s later games.

The only thing that may strike people who have played later games in the franchise before this one is the lack of Kirby’s copy ability. The copy ability, in later games, allows Kirby to inhale his enemy and duplicate its powers (swords, spears, spikes etc.), but here all you can do is inhale enemies and then spit them back out as projectiles. The only power that you will be able to make use of is the microphone, which allows Kirby to blast his voice and destroy any enemies that appear on-screen. I can do a similar trick whereby I sing out loud and watch all nearby persons run for cover. On a particularly good day I can make their ears bleed.

KDL_Dance

The Feelings

Oh, the feelings that Kirby will elicit! If you have any soul, you will walk away from this game feeling like the child inside you has been reborn. Once you have managed to achieve your vengeance against the birds that keep flying directly at you and the coconuts that like to drop on you, you will be able to go out into the world feeling all warm and fuzzy inside as though a kindle of kittens (that is the proper collective noun for them – I like my readers to leave feeling like they’ve learned something) has taken up residence in your heart. Seriously, just go play the game and see what I mean.

My Final Rating: 7 / 10

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Posted by on March 8, 2014 in Game Review

 

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