Tropical Mary and I make some odd life choices. We recently subjected ourselves to Fifty Shades of Grey, during which I absolutely forbade Mary from choking to death on her pizza as a means of getting out of finishing the movie. With a little time behind us and our wounds reasonably healed, I managed to get my hands on a copy of The Asylum’s it’s-different-enough-from-a-legal-standpoint-that-we-won’t-get-sued knock off.
The sad thing in all of this is not that we subjected ourselves to this movie, but that on every count Bound is streets ahead of Fifty Shades of Grey and is a far more engrossing movie to watch. And when The Asylum can get that right where millions of Hollywood dollars couldn’t, you have to weep at the sheer thought of there being two more Fifty Shades movies in the making.
Michelle Mulan is having a tough time at the moment. The real estate company her family owns is about to go under, her dad (and owner of the company) is loving in the same way that getting smacked across the face with a damp fish is loving, her daughter’s about to fly the nest and go off to college, and her boyfriend (who seems to own all the hair product in the world) simply cannot get her off. What’s a 40-something year old gal to do?
Well, provided the stars align in just the right way, you have a fortuitous meet-up with a significantly younger man named Ryan Black with the defined jaw line and cheek bones that the gods themselves would have struggled to forge, and you get it on! Nothing too kinky at first, of course. Just letting him eat her out on her father’s desk while putting on some stranger’s underwear, followed by a fundraiser with a vibrator in her knickers that he has the controller for. After a respectable amount of time has passed (a few days) the two then begin to engage in some BDSM, which Michelle takes very well too. After so many orgasms I’m not entirely sure how Michelle was still able to walk, but it seemed to be doing wonders for her tension headaches.
Of course it can’t be all sunshine, roses and nipple clamps. While Michelle’s getting her world rocked it seems more and more likely that her family’s company will have to be sold off or face going under completely. Michelle should be coming up with a plan to counter this but, as the old wives’ tales tell us, some handcuffs and a light spanking will get the better of most girls. It doesn’t help that her father, who looks like he’d smack her across the room but buy her a new car to make up for it, finds out that unlike Christian Grey, who made a lot of money running a company which seemed to do nothing but churn out blonde receptionists, Ryan makes his money dealing drugs and stealing cars.
Will Michelle be able to strike a balance between leather corsets and budget sheets? Is Ryan really looking out for her best interests? Will a visit to a sex dungeon provide Michelle with divine guidance in her time of need? Oh, you bet it will…
You know, when they don’t need to pull a Mega Shark, a Gatoroid, a Crocosaurus or a Bermuda Tentacle out of their arses The Asylum can actually serve up some decent cinematography. Instead of the poorly CGI-rendered monsters that we have grown to love in their other movies, Bound serves up in their place a lot of latex and leather and enough gratuitous boob shots to keep you interested.
Here’s a list of the things that Bound got right in comparison to Fifty Shades of Grey:
- An attractive male lead.
- An attractive female lead.
- Actual chemistry between the lead characters.
- Actual businesses and work.
- Actual contracts.
- Actual BDSM.
- A slow and considered approach for new-comers to BDSM.
- A new-comer to BDSM doing a little research into what she’s getting herself into.
- A sub who knows her limits.
- A dom who listens when the sub says the safe word.
- Really good outfits.
It’s not that Bound is a tremendous movie, but on reflection what I liked most about it was that it showed that Ryan’s relationship with Michelle (and, by extension, Christian’s relationship Anastasia in the Fifty Shades trilogy) is not romantic or protective – it’s dangerous, and that whipping someone and forcing them to call you ‘master’ is not an accurate representation of BDSM culture.
Would I recommend that everyone rush out and watch this movie? No. But if you’ve seen Fifty Shades of Grey and felt as hollowed out by the experience as I did then Bound is worth a watch to see how much better it could’ve been done.
My Final Rating: 5 / 10
Buy Bound on Amazon.com