Genre: Horror / Mystery
IMDB Rating: 5.8 / 10
Movies like Come Back to Me are the absolute pits, and that’s coming from someone who’s seen the likes of Vampire Whores from Outer Space and Terror at Blood Fart Lake. You see, at least those go all out and are willfully shitty. You can’t really sit there in good conscience when the credits roll and be surprised that the movie was awful or that you have bizarre images of what can be done with a Toblerone bar.
Come Back to Me is a film that isn’t anywhere near bad enough to be enjoyable, but nothing about it is good enough to make you want to sit up and pay attention to it either. I spent the bulk of the movie rolling around on the couch hoping that by some miracle this mindless movement would in some way make time move a little bit faster (or at least occupy me) until the movie eventually decided it was done limping along and came to some sort of an end. To be honest, by the time 90 minutes had rolled round I didn’t care how it finished, just so long as the incessant boredom relented.
Meet Sarah, your typical Reese Witherspoon knock-off looking, car crash surviving, cookie baking, all-American PhD student with a severe case of over-hyperventilation. With her husband Josh the two live an idyllic suburban lifestyle in a house no couple living on one person’s shift wages could possibly afford. That is, until Dale moves in across the road…
Dale’s a bit odd. Granted you would also be a bit odd if you found your mother’s body spread over most of the house, and whilst this does manifest in the usual things like creepy stares and unhealthy attachment to female strangers, it also manifests in a rather bizarre obsession with freshly baked cookies. The mind’s a mystery, I guess.
And this brings us to Sarah’s over-hyperventilation. EVERY night she has some bizarre dream, usually involving her or her loved one’s brutal death, whereupon she wakes up sounding like she’s been submerged for an unhealthy period of time and if she doesn’t get all the air in in one go it’s tickets for her. The odd thing is, she’s usually in a different outfit to when she fell asleep and her whole house smells of cleaning products. Then there’s the small matter of her falling pregnant despite Josh being sterile…
So what’s going on, you might ask (stop reading now to avoid spoilers)? Well, Dale has the ability to bring people back from the dead. All he has to do is breathe into their mouths and utter the words ‘come back to me’. He revived his mother back in the day, and now he’s taken a different approach to speed dating by kidnapping a variety of women, killing them, performing necrophilic acts, and then reviving them, which also conveniently wipes their memories. Can Sarah stop Dale from his ongoing rampage of murder and questionable sexual delights? Will Sarah’s breathing ever return to normal? Will Josh ever get a real job? All of these questions and other things that you’ll have no interest in will be vaguely dealt with in Come Back to Me’s thoroughly underwhelming ending!
The visuals in this movie are as underwhelming as its subject matter. As with everything else, the general cinematography and special effects are too above average to actually make fun of, but not quite cutting edge enough to make you believe that the budget, under different circumstances, would have been sufficient to have a decent money fight with. Everything’s passable and lends a good enough air to the story, but it’s nothing to write home about or in any way impressive.
Mind-numbing boredom. Come Back to Me is one of those movies with a decent enough premise that it could have been made to work, but the combination of average acting, average script writing and average cinematography leave you with a film that doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere and whose ending can be seen from space.
When Sarah’s chronic over-hyperventilation is the most riveting thing the film can throw at you (and even then, by the 7th or 8th time of her doing it it gets a bit stale), there really isn’t an awful lot that would make me recommend this movie beyond there being absolutely nothing else available (including far better movies that you’ve already seen), your phone is dead, your significant other has a headache, you’ve dusted the entire house, cleaned out the pantry and brushed the cat’s teeth, and even then I would only put it on as a background distraction.